Biohacking for the Dubious
Semi-Practical Biohacks for real people.
10 Tools I Like (or want), Even If I’m Not Planning on Becoming Bryan Johnson anytime soon.
Someone recently called me a “wellness dropout,” and I honestly had to sit with that for a second. Me? Drop out? No way. You’re getting the wrong idea.
I’m actually not at all. I’m just anti-nonsense in all areas of life, including being anti-24/7 optimization. I won’t go on a rant. I feel like I’ve already done that.
But also? I can still get completely geeked out. The duality is the point.
Cut to the other night: I’m lying in the bath. Not reading, which was the plan. Instead, I’m doomscrolling Bryan Johnson’s announcement that he’s dating his assistant. (It was weirdly sweet?? And honestly, if you’ve followed him for more than two seconds, the chemistry was clearly there. So we’re glad, lol).
Anyhow… somehow this all tied back to my Sub.
And clearly, you are ready for the tools, because the Hume Scale in my gift guide? You people lost your minds over it. I’m glad because it’s cool! That was my sign from the universe (or the algorithm) that I needed to give you more to scratch the itch.
The future is here. And we are allowed to find it fascinating without turning ourselves into a human science-fair project.
After all, I did write a wellness manual. I know the pathways, the mitochondria, the vagus nerve—the whole carnival. So here are the Top 10 Biohacking Tools for Women (or men, but female-focused)—the ones I actually think make sense.
I’ll be the first to admit that 90% of this looks like something your grandma was sold on the home shopping channel that ended up in the garage. I get it. However, everything I’ve mentioned on this list has science behind it and absolutely goes beyond gimmicks.
Sauna
If there is one tool I’d put above all others, it’s this. Women need heat. Period. Mood, metabolism, circulation, immune function—heat is medicine. Going down the rabbit hole of which is better, infrared or traditional, is endless. I really can’t endorse a specific brand because I don’t personally own one (I’m on this journey with you).
The Cliff Notes on Sauna Choice:
More studies have been done on traditional saunas because they’ve been around longer, and there are proven cardiovascular and longevity benefits. They also smell and look great. They are just much less feasible for city living.
Infrared light penetrates bodily tissues more directly, so there may be more deep-tissue benefits. They also don’t get as hot—the heat is more tolerable for longer periods of time which may promote more efficient detox.
Ultimately, it comes down to cost, convenience, and what is feasible for you in your environment.
Note: I do not own a sauna. I want one THE MOST.
Also: sweating is a personality reset. I stand by this.
HigherDose Infrared Sauna Blanket
The reality is most women run cold. There’s actual physiology behind this—lower basal metabolic rate, iron deficiencies, and hormonal cycles. This blanket is my “fix-it-fast.”
It’s cocoon-level hot, easy to store, and no one has to build you a $9k sauna in your garage to use it. It’s like wrapping yourself in a heating blanket, which always sounds good to me.
Pulsetto Vagus Nerve Stimulator
“A spa for your nervous system”.
If you want to hack one thing, hack your vagus nerve.
Science backs up studies showing that stimulating your vagus nerve can shift the body out of fight-or-flight and into a calmer, repair-focused state. The vagus nerve is the entire communication line between your gut and your brain—your mood, digestion, stress response, and emotional resilience all sit on that nerve like it’s a wobbly bar stool. These little devices literally cue your body into “rest-and-digest.”
Illumina LED Face Mask
My confession is that I HATE the way these look. They look stupid and futuristic (not in a good way). I imagine my husband and daughter looking at me in this and thinking I’m an idiot.
However, LED light therapy (especially red light and near-infrared) has been shown in clinical studies to stimulate collagen production, improve skin elasticity, and smooth skin texture, ultimately reducing fine lines and improving skin tone over time.
The company that makes these has been a leader in red light technology for over 20 years. The lights are more concentrated. There are many on the market, but the cost/quality balance of the iRestore Illumina is good! ( And their iRestore Hair helmet is pretty insane).
Higher Dose is another excellent option, and in the same price range. You’ve probably seen this product online more often. The pros of this mask vs the above is comfort, flexibility, and good quality. Whereas the Illumina has slightly more sophisticated lightwave technology, Higher Dose is more entry level and user friendly.
HealthyLine Chakra Mat
HealthyLine has a bunch of biohacking tools, but the Chakra Mat has won me over. And I was super skeptical. (Forget the spiritual healing claims)— It’s basically everything mentioned above rolled into one feel-good mat. Here’s what it brings to the party:
PEMF Therapy
Far Infrared Therapy (FIR)
Hot Stone Therapy
Photon Light Therapy
Negative Ion Therapy
It supports sleep, boosts circulation, eases muscle tension, and puts you in a blissfully relaxed state. Honestly, once you try this mat, you’ll be doing all your computer work, binge-watching, and lounging on it.
This one’s a splurge, but totally worth it (especially since it comes with a sauna blanket, so you can wrap yourself up and enjoy an at-home sauna for half the price).
Cold Exposure (But Less Aggressive & Free)
Do not jump in a frozen lake unless you know what you’re doing. But a cold rinse at the end of your shower? Actually great for metabolic flexibility, circulation, and dopamine. I like responsible, non-traumatizing cold.
You want to feel refreshed, not like you’re coming down with an illness.
And you probably don’t need to buy a plunge pool.
Glucose Tracking (Occasionally, Not Religiously)
This is on my TD list for the new year. Tracking your glucose is definitely no longer just for diabetics. A CGM can teach you more in two weeks than diet culture taught you in a decade. It has become one of the clearest real-time windows into how your body handles food, stress, sleep, workouts, and even emotions. It’s less about restriction, more about feedback.
Use it to observe, not obsess. We are wellness dropouts, not wellness hostages.
Again, I don’t do this—but plan to.
Sleep Mask + Ear Plugs = The Free Biohack
Do you want to regulate your hormones? Do you want clearer skin? Do you want to stop emotionally unraveling on a bi-weekly basis?
Sleep.
Make your room dark and quiet. It will literally save your life—and your face. When I gear up for bed with the whole thing, I sleep like a baby.
Now tell me: which tools are you curious about? I’ll do deeper dives next.
Honestly, the boring way I continue to think about everything is balance. Check the science, check the user experience, check the brand, and check your gut. I believe that we can look to the past and adopt the sciences of future for optimal health out outcomes.
Let me know what you think!?
Meredith
I loved your article. Yes, balance! I see many biohackers doing too much. It's fun and a bit sad to watch. For me, the best biohacking is zero stress and sound sleep.